(Written on our Anzac History Day 25042013)
Tonight I walked along the beach at a much later part of the day than I usually do. What a different atmosphere – and of course different people with varying attitudes towards the sacredness of such a time.
Today was the 25th April. A day that we celebrate in New Zealand – Anzac history – as a time to remember fallen soldiers who went to war so that we could have the lives that we have now. As I watched the
sunset my thoughts turned to long forgotten Uncles and distant cousins who fought for me just to be here tonight to experience the beauty of the sky as it is now. And grateful thoughts flooded my mind as I thought of them in trenches, no doubt suffering atrocities that no person should ever have to suffer – far away from loved ones, untrained for machinery that was used against them, unprepared for futures without limbs, sane minds, and estranged from loved ones, hearing foreign voices and languages that neither comprehended only feeling that this was the task at hand of killing or being killed regardless of who was right.
My day today was planned for a day of knitting a beautiful baby shawl for the next generation arriving in a few short weeks.
Before I was able to get into that task I had to farewell a fond friend McCavity who is the star of many of my books – McCavity, Jim and Lin – moving to another site away from contention and a bullying tyrant with an agenda of her own simply because she is in charge. And as I watched them go down the road, sad feelings invaded my thoughts that seemed to influence how the rest of my day went.
Amazing when we are not truly being aware of our thoughts. The knitting I started – one and a half rows that took me an hour to complete. And suddenly I realized I had made an error in judgment as to the row I had started with and I had to unpick all of that work of an hour. As I neared the end of the unpicking that I kept telling myself was all a learning experience I felt a sudden hunger for nourishment after which I then felt extreme weariness. So without resisting I listened to my body and went off for a nap only to be woken by a phone call from my darling to tell me he was on his way home from work.
Right now I looked back on my day and thought, “What did I accomplish today?” Normally I work on my computer from 4am to between 6pm to 8pm allowing for a 2 hour walk somewhere in between. And today I was happy to plan for my day off solely to knit. Other events however, took over my minds feelings and the day turned out entirely differently to what I had planned. Even tonight after my walk I settled into resuming my knitting and still had problems with the pattern not going right. All I could think of was that my mind wanted to be writing the posts I need for tomorrow morning for my blogs. It did not take much encouragement from my darling to persuade me to get back onto my computer and do just that. This morning when I woke I asked myself the usual question – what action can I take today to help me to achieve my goal of …………. And I guess now I have got myself into a routine that makes me want to take that action.
So the knitting will have to wait until another day. Not tomorrow because tomorrow I and myself have planned a day out together again – we are going to the movies and taking ourselves out to a nice lunch somewhere, shopping at some time for necessary items and to walk a great distance for exercise in completely different surroundings. Just so I can let myself know that I am special. I am loved by me. And I do appreciate me.
Having followed this routine for 12 weeks now, I am much better able to compose my writings, much happier in myself, and much less distracted by trivial things.
You should try it. The only way you can love others is to first fill yourself up with love. Enough so that you can give much away.